The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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