i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
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