you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
