My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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