Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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