exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
