I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
