For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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