I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
