it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
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Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
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Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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