How'd it feel making her break her religion?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
