Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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