I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
