I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
