There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
