the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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