I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
