i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
