Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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