i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
