i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
