after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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