Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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