Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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