So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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