Tell her she can't have a vagina
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
