life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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