we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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