I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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