apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize