well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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