I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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