That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
