just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
