Pregnant stripper...not hot.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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