i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
