It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize