And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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