He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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