Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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