he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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