I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
