Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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