And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
