two words...techno handjob
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
