Is it normal to miss your booty call?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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