you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize