Already got asked if we're dating
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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