WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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