Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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