hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
