Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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