Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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