You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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