do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
