Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
