And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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