Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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