im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
